The Law of the Loo

Back home, we call it the "bathroom," ladies' room, "rest room," "potty," ... even the "john."
In London, it's much more direct - when you need to go, find a "toilet." Some people call it the loo.
Not so much a scintillating subject, but let's face it - everyone has to go. So I am going to tell you the Law of the Loo.
Here it is: Go when you have the chance.
You see, in London, you are not likely to find a public restroom anywhere except a restaurant or a big department store. I was in a three-story drug store the other day when I received an urgent call of nature. This was a BIG store, mind you. So I asked a clerk if they had a public restroom. She smiled and said, "No. Sorry." I wanted to say, "Where in the heck do YOU go?" but trust me, there was not time.
I had to run across Oxford Street, into the HUGE Debenham's Department Store, all the way to the back of the store, take the lift to the top floor, then walk to the other side of the store to find the bathroom.
This is how I came up with The Law of the Loo.
An hour before this potentially tragic event, we had been having a nice, leisurely tea. We got up to leave and it crossed my mind to go to the bathroom. But ... famous last words ... "I don't have to go right now."
Now, if there's a bathroom nearby and I have access to it, I go.
Which brings up another thing you may need to know should be planning to travel to London. This is not a city for the weak of leg. In London, you climb a lot of stairs. If Chicago is the City Of The Big Shoulders, London is the City Of The Strong Calves.
Some places have lifts (elevators) and escalators, but they're not so common. Most of the time, you're going to be hitting the stairs. And not just a few stairs. At times, you will feel as if you are walking down to the dungeon.
Most of time, a restaurant's toilets are located down a flight (or two or three) of precarious steps. If you have quaffed a few ales, you might find it difficult to make your way safely. If you're a person who doesn't need to go "right this minute," change your habits.
It's the Law of the Loo.
I want to add this postscript. Sometimes you will venture to the toilet in the basement of a building that looks pretty dicey (or dodgy, as they would say in London). You might think, "This is going to be worse than any gas station bathroom I've ever encountered."
Wrong.
Bathrooms in this city are clean as a whistle, no matter where they are. They may be tiny with peeling paint and uneven floors, but there is never wet paper on the floor, there is always toilet tissue and soap and a working hand dryer on the wall. The doors on the stalls come all the way down to the floor - total privacy.
So, getting there is a bit rough, but once you arrive, it's sweet - and clean - relief.